Posted on 29/01/2010 at 11:10 by Chris Britcher, Editor of Tunbridge Wells on Sunday
Editor CHRIS BRITCHER crunches into the latest Apple debate.
There is perhaps no-one quite as dull as an IT bore.
I’m not necessarily talking about the classic geeky character whose dress sense is a disaster and whose desktop always hides World of Warcraft or a similar fantasy extravaganza, behind the serious work documents.
More, the ‘I’m right and you’re wrong’ brigade. And we all know them. Chances are we all work with them.
And if their particular strain of information technology lust revolves around products made by Apple, then this week was one during which to give them a wide berth.
Because this week Apple unveiled its latest contraption ending months of speculation; months of frenzied internet forum discussions by those who need to, quite frankly, get out more.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I can get as obsessed and full of longing for a gadget as much as the next sad, bored, man who clearly does not have enough going on his life, but there is something about those who sing the praises of everything Apple does which annoys me.
That ‘they can do no wrong’ attitude.
Ipods are, without question, genius devices. And yes, the Apple laptops and swanky desktop devices in all their polished steel frames, and showcased in clever, glossy adverts, do dazzle.
But while those with deep pockets can stroke their latest devices and coo and boast, They refuse to accept that for the most part, all we really need computers for is to email, surf the web, write the occasional letter, and download music and films by fair means or foul.
We don’t need them to be able to pack the sort of power required to guide the US army’s entire defence programme. We don’t want them encased in a material which means you could drop your machine into a volcano and it won’t melt.
I’m sure that’s very handy, but at the point I need to guide nuclear warheads while perched on an active volcano, I will go out and invest in the suitable equipment financed by the extravagant salary I’d be on to be in such a position. When I’m sat at home in my pants and just want to find out the football scores, I, quite frankly, don’t need so much power purring away on my knees.
We just want the things to work for a couple of years without us wanting to hurl them out of the nearest window. It’s not much to ask is it? Yet that buying decision would appear to cause these Apple IT bores to consider us lesser beings if we opt for a machine known more commonly as a PC.
Years ago, when computers were just breaking into the mass market, I treated my self to a brand new Apple Mac machine. Up yours, Bill Gates, I thought. Stick your Windows operating system (which I’d never really used that much so wasn’t really best placed to judge), look at me with my Mac.
Look at how I cannot go into any high street store and buy anything off the shelf on account of no-one (back then) producing Apple software. Look at how I can only buy professional publishing programmes at a cost of hundreds, and hundreds of pounds (which I couldn’t afford), and not just splash out £25 for a PC version.
And, perhaps most crucially, look at how my Apple crashes with a regularity that would potentially shame a PC.
Because my beloved Mac was a nuisance. It cost a fortune and played up far too often.
So I fell out of love with Apple right there and then. I gave it a chance and it failed me. So I apologised to Bill Gates and I’ve bought PCs ever since.
As for Apples, I’ve used them frequently for work ever since – in fact this very column is being written on one – but they do nothing for me.
I don’t care if the operating system has a cool name. I don’t care if the icons look a bit nicer on the screen. I don’t care if working on a Mac buys me a bit of street cred.
This machine crashes all the time too. And that drives me to distraction.
So what’s the point of this rant, I hear those of you who have bothered to keep reading ask? Well, this week Apple unveiled the iPad, a touch screen, A4-sized piece of high-tech gadgetry.
Another thing for all those creative types who bang on and on and on about how brilliant Apple is to go and splash out yet more of their thousands on another piece of computer equipment and drop it into each and every conversation they have from now until the end of time.
And it’s another thing I can secretly crave. Secretly wish I could afford. Secretly would gladly barter a deal which involved off-loading my own lung if I could get one in exchange.
But, perversely, the fact the little Apple boys and girls will be boring for Britain on the topic for the next however long, means I won’t.
They have actually put me off buying one. It was the same with iPods. I desperately wanted one, but didn’t want to be seen as just following the crowd.
So for now I will jealously pour scorn on all of those who are lucky enough to get one. I will tut and raise my eyes skyward. I will write articles in the paper saying how Apple bores are the worst of the lot.
And I will dream of one day owning my own. Now who’s the real sad case here?