Fighting back against the environmental oppressors

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I love recycling. It makes me feel good. I’m actively contributing to helping the planet.

I like it so much that when my other half or my parents throw something plastic in the normal bin, the little voice in my head pushes me to commit an atrocity.

No, I am not Swampy, I don’t dig out little holes to stop roads being built through a lovely field - even though I frown upon such actions.

Neither do I chain myself to trees in a last ditch, desperate attempt to save the old oak from the chop.

But I do have an eco-conscience and being “green” is cool with me.

For Fast Show fans among you, I am well on the way to becoming Eco Warrior Dave Angel - disgusted by people burning tyres but happy to use a spray can aerosol to kill mosquitoes.

This is where the story turns sinister.

Recycling is a big part of our lives in Britain now. The clear plastic bags and often irregular pickups by the recycling troops – distinguished by their different colour truck - is a welcome sight of a morning.

It saddens me to think how much recyclable waste we sent to landfill before this all started happening.

But I have to draw a line.

The episode started while seated in the office finishing off my Tesco value pot noodle, I know. I reached for the empty plastic container to throw it into the recycling bin.

“Nooooooooooooooooooooo!” A voice from across the room screeches. “You can’t put that in there! If there is still food on it you can contaminate the paper!”

I lost my rag.

With just a spec of faux-noodle sauce still remaining in the pot I swiftly and intelligently retorted: “Don’t worry about it.”

But a volley returned and it all got very heated.

Me: “Pot noodle juice is not going to disintegrate the paper, it will still be recyclable.”

She: “It can ruin it all.”

Me: “If that were true nothing would ever get recycled. Do you think everyone washes out every single pot they recycle? No, of course they don’t.”

She: “Well I do.”

Editor: “I don’t.”

Me: “You see, you’re talking twaddle.”

She: “I have read all about it.”

Me: “I watched the Blue Peter show they did all about it.”

The war of words raged on with all and sundry chipping in with their two pence worth (an old saying).

Security had to be called and I “officially” can’t tell you how the argument was resolved for legal reasons. Needless to say I had the last laugh by hiding her tea cup. Point made.

Getting back on track, the opinion I’m trying to convey is that we are all trying to be more eco-friendly. We all want to save the planet as much, if not more than, the self titled “green people” of this world.

Lets be honest, the recycling police are not going to arrest me and question me under oath as to why I dared leave a rogue baked bean in the bottom of the tin. The metal can still be recycled, we can all feel good about ourselves and there doesn’t have to be these ructions.

Calm down. Chill out please, be free. Peace.

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